I’ve decided to talk just a bit about my hobbies and pastimes – I have been talking about one of my ongoing pastimes at some of the business breakfast meetings I attend.

It was quite a surprise when I was asked to do the same subject for a talk to one of the groups out of my area (talking to your own group is one thing!) So I went to this business breakfast meeting in Corby, Northamptonshire, to combine business networking with presenting this talk on one of my ongoing pastimes…

I have a variety of hobbies/ pastimes (in fact I often tell people my hobby is hobbies). I like to be creative, I like water-colour painting, crochet, cross-stitch, gardening…all manner of pastimes. I also have an ongoing interest in Genealogy and my family tree, not least because my own maternal Grandmother was 100 in June this year. When you acknowledge the amazing fact that people have lived for so long and seen so much; but in all honesty you know that must come to an end, it begs the question “who knows about the things that my relative knows”?

We are so wrapped up in technology these days – it provides us with entertainment that is just there at the touch of a button (so to speak). As families we are so spread around the country or the world, we have little time in these days of rush, rush, rush to sit and listen to the family history, stories that once would have been the centre of family life. And let’s face it even if we did have the time, how many of us would take that time and use it to sit and talk or listen to someone else tell us about our heritage, our family history. Certainly our children don’t even really have an interest in the ‘old’ films we grew up with; they leave the room or change channels or play on the Wii or something similar!

Now I’m not suggesting we sit and dwell on things gone by, things we can’t change or things that we might regret…No, I don’t believe in regrets; what’s happened is gone, we can only learn and move on. Using what we have learnt from our actions/ reactions, being thankful for the opportunity to learn from them, (lol…sorry life lesson over).

My talk is about family trees, about taking an interest in our family history! Why? Because it shows us our progression as a human being, as a person, it gives us something to marvel at and celebrate our fortune, our movement forward…

I am working (sort of part-time) on my family tree, and I talked about the things I discovered to my breakfast group;

The occupations and how they have changed and the perception of that occupation today?! The longevity of life or lack of it, the constant procreation to ensure the family name, how the Father’s Christian name would traditionally be given to the first born son, how the actual names have changed?! These things interest me hugely, and I wanted to convey that to my listeners.

I believe I succeeded, there were a lot of follow-up questions; one of which was a question about a surname and how it came to be in existence, (it was believed that it had been made up because there appeared to be no trace of anyone else with that surname) I decided to investigate this believed anomaly…I only did the scantest of checks (as far as family history research goes), but found there to be quite a number of people historically with the name in question, (not hundreds you understand, we weren’t talking about Smith or anything commonly known); so without trying too hard I had already disproved a family belief to a degree; this is not always the way you want a story to go, but in this instance I feel it gave a measure of reassurance to the person concerned to understand they had real roots.

I get satisfaction from succeeding at a task or interest that has caught my attention, this instance had flamed my desire to find something of substance, to discover a link using my acquired knowledge, and that kind of determination and persistence is what I use to complete any task, hobby or pastime I undertake – I don’t like to fail or at least feel I have not given my best try.

Shouldn’t we be able to say that about our business, our relationships, and our whole life?!

I have often been told by my loving daughter that I think too much; by that she means I over analyse actions, words etc – in some respects I do think she is right, but then I was told to read a particular book.

I regularly attend breakfast meetings, I have mentioned in earlier blogs that I use these to increase my personal and business profile, allowing potential clients and word of mouth referrers to get to know me, about me and consider me a good and valuable extension of their own business or for someone they know in business. I’m not on one of my little ‘Ronnie Corbett’ moments here, I am explaining how I came to be told about this particular book and its meaning to me and you!

I went to my breakfast meeting on Tuesday with the intention of meeting one of my clients after the meeting to get some work done. This particular client works as a garden designer/ landscaper and builder of wooden structures specifically for use in the garden, so obviously he is outside whenever the weather permits…anyway enough explanation of the reason for being at this particular meeting! While I was setting up the laptop I cleared some space on the booking in table and moved a book that had been place there – the group leader for this meeting told me it was hers, it had just been returned to her by another member who she had recommended it to, she went on to tell me that I should read it too, this was supported quite vehemently by my client. Now I love books, I love reading and don’t really need any encouragement to take up a book; the title of this book really intrigued me and it was one of those really nice looking books, it kind of beckoned to me (I know that probably sounds daft, but really I felt drawn to this book,) I had no choice but to take them both up on their suggestion of borrowing the book to read for myself….

Going back to an earlier blog I told you about using a business coach – my original business coach and mentor used to get me to do “I am’s”, these are empowering sentences about you – things you want to be true in your life and or your business; I did them, it felt weird at first but the resulting feeling I got was fantastic. One of my clients is a friend and business coach, and is also so passionate about what he does that he likes to ensure that I am always positive and charged up for my business, he telephones on random occasions to check how I am feeling how I am responding to calls, do I sound happy, relaxed that sort of thing (and I am not allowed to say “not bad” or “fine”.) This might sound a bit stalker-ish but really it’s not it’s what he is good at, making sure I have the right mental attitude for my business and me!

Anyway, I have also made a concerted effort over the last few years to stop negatively criticising people around me; we all do it, someone reacts in a certain way or says something and we jump on them as if we are the World’s experts in how to live life, how to present ourselves behave, speak etc . By making ourselves the one to criticise the ‘expert’ we need to ensure we are not generating negative thoughts, repeated negative thoughts have the power to manifest themselves.

I remember a talk a member of my networking group gave one morning about the brain not understanding negatives – this was also in the messages I received from both business coaches in my life, but somehow that message did not quite hit the target. At this network meeting it struck home – the message was this; the brain does not register negatives, so if you say there is no such thing as a pink elephant…Yep you got it a pink elephant just popped into your head didn’t it?! If you tell a child not to drop the plates, they will hear “drop the plates”…so are you going to be surprised when they do drop the plates? My local radio station has been broadcasting a message this summer in an attempt to stop children/ people swimming in the lakes/ locks/ rivers in the area – what do you suppose their message says?? Yep you got it again, they’re saying do not swim in the lakes etc, so will everyone be surprised when records show the number swimming in the lakes has gone up?

So my thinking has already registered that negative thoughts and positive thoughts have an effect on the way we think or react or behave…but what a revelation when I started reading this book, I was so surprised at the truth written in this book that I actually exclaimed out loud! This book says it all; we have the power to change not only our lives but the lives of others by using our thoughts?! How amazing is that…whatever is going on in our lives right now, this minute, is a result of our thoughts in the past. If this sounds all a bit star-gazery or anything bear with me, really it works, I’ve seen it from my sessions with my business coaches and friends – if you think positive thoughts; and you are more careful about your reactions and what you say, to reduce negative feelings, you can influence what comes to you!

Believe me, read the book – It’s called “The Secret” written by Rhonda Byrne. It makes total sense; it reveals the Great Secret of the Universe. For me it’s something I always knew deep down, but I have never seen it written with such clarity. Be more thoughtful, less resentful, take time to consider others before answering, reacting, responding – why have they done/ said that or behaved that way. Look to yourself before judging others, think powerful good thoughts and you will transmit your thoughts and they will be reflected back to you with positivity.

So if you want a successful business – think a positive business, think about lots of clients, think about where you want your business to be and envisage it, really see it, believe it and think it…It will come back to you!

I want to add my own thanks and acknowledgements to this blog – for without the following people  I would not have found such a profound book and read “The Secret”.

Julia Doherty of Ethos recruitment – for the loan of her copy of the book.

Steve Horne of 5Design – for his insistence that I read said book.

Jon Baker of Venture-Now for his ongoing support and friendship.

Rhonda Byrne for writing such an amazing book.

Extra thanks to Ronnnie Corbett OBE  for allowing me to name my little digression’s after him!

I have recently started following my interest in the teachings/ wisdom of people greater than I: one of these is the Dalai Lama. I have purchased a couple of books written by or in conjunction with him; some of his words are so pertinent that you cannot help but be inspired. This inspiration allows me to stand back from some of the stresses of life but still maintain my motivation.

The saying I have included below sums up, I think, how I feel I am approaching clients/ businesses that need/ ask for my help. I am truly passionate about helping other people to arrange their lives/ businesses so they can continue or go back to what they are passionate about, what they went into business to do.

“If you develop a pure and sincere motivation, if you are motivated by a wish to help on the basis of kindness, compassion, and respect, then you can carry on any kind of work, in any field, and function more effectively.”

His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

Saturday 12th June 2010 was the day arranged for The National VA Conference and Awards for 2010 – this event is in its fourth year apparently, though it was my first time. I was setting up my business as a virtual pa through 2009, not knowing there was a whole support network behind the VA industry. The conference was arranged by a team of VAs headed by Carmen McDougall of The Virtual Assistant Coaching and Training Company.

As this was my first visit to the conference, I was keen to meet some of the VAs that have supported me emotionally, technologically, and with my education of being a VA,  through my time getting my business off the ground; truly if it were not for them I might be telling a different story in years to come. I had met, chatted to and engaged with (virtually of course) women who have perhaps been in the VA business for longer than me, (that’s not difficult I am a bit of a newbie, only having been in business for myself a little under a year, we communicated on Skype chat, we supported one another, offered excesses of work or expertise in particular fields. The value of the VASG (virtual assistant support group) is second to none, three very dear ladies have been there for me and others like me since I became a member, and it was great to meet then yesterday in person at The National VA Conference and Awards 2010 – so my thanks to Dee Uzoka from  http://va-in-medway.co.uk/ Ann-Marie Mittleman from http://www.avirtualangel.co.uk/ and Emily Robe from http://www.emilyrobe.co.uk/ for everything you do under your umbrella of the VASG, for winning The Spirit of the VA Award 2010, and everything you have done for me; it was so great meeting you and having real hugs (so much better than virtual ones).

Being a PA is tremendously enjoyable, exciting, satisfying and challenging – being a VA is that 10 fold! Technology is constantly changing, updating etc and programmes change to move with the technology; the amazing thing is so are businesses now acknowledging the need to change, and some of the sponsors and speakers at The National VA Conference and Awards 2010 were amazingly supportive and encouraging of the VA industry as well as the individuals that make up that industry.

These businesses and their MDs their CEOs have met some of our amazing VAs and have totally seen the value that a VA can bring to businesses and to their own clients. So much so many of them are offering deals or partnerships to VAs that use their packages/ products/ programmes. They acknowledge that by using a VA along with their product you can reduce your time spent running your business and get on with what you went into business to do! This is so tremendously exciting that the job that we do is so valued, it is something we have known for a long time, but it is only now that it is being really seen.

I look forward to constantly expanding my knowledge to benefit not only my business, but to offer support or expertise to VASG members and most importantly to you as business men and business women, because in the long run the more expertise and knowledge I have the more you will benefit.

Everyone has moments in their lives that stop them in their tracks, or make them rethink what makes them tick. Some are precious, some are painful, but we should learn from them. And sometimes we should simply rejoice at being!

I’ve had my fair share over the last decade or so; some of them very painful. For example, the passing away of my father-in-law was extremely difficult. As an only child my hubby found this event terribly traumatic and, as you might expect, my children did too.  All three of them doted on my father-in-law.

My mother-in-law was hit worst though. She was so upset she just couldn’t cope with it all, so I let my hubby console her and I got on with all the ’stuff’ that needed taking care of. I picked up the pieces and controlled all of the administration. It was just something I felt I had to do.

Just when we thought things were getting back on an even keel, my daughter was diagnosed with M.E. In truth, it wasn’t just the diagnosis. We had known something was wrong for some time, but we had to fight to get doctors to acknowledge there was a problem. And once she had the diagnosis, we had an awful time trying to get her and it accepted. The government didn’t help much either. You wouldn’t believe that a child born in this country would be abandoned by the State, but effectively she was…don’t even get me started on that subject; it is huge and ongoing!

It was a painful experience and we are still all on a steep learning curve.

My mother-in-law has had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma since about 1996. As if that weren’t bad enough, she then developed Alzheimer’s disease.  She couldn’t look after herself properly and we now had to travel 40 miles each way to care for her at weekends – an 80 mile round trip to receive the abuse she dished out because, sadly, she got quite aggressive. It reached the point where we had to obtain enduring power of attorney. I took on the responsibility for sorting everything out. I read all I could on the subject, filled in the appropriate paperwork and lodged it with the Court of Protection. My mother-in-law is now in 24 hour nursing care home and is pretty well fit as a flea – even her Leukemia has abated, so to speak.

During this time, I took a promotion at work and then found out my mother had bowel cancer; so there were more painful times, and more lessons to learn. This isn’t even about coping, because we just “do”. We get back up, dust ourselves off and start all over again…because we are not programmed to simply give up. Oh yes, we may well have times where we think, “Why?” “Why me, why us?” “What have we done? “We can’t cope with anymore.” I could go on and on, but this is about positivity, learning and simply getting on and enjoying what we do have, and if you look at the simple things you will find all manner of things to be grateful for.

My mother died in January of 2006 and I left the job I had earned my promotion in. It wasn’t working and it certainly wasn’t doing my health any good. I was being bullied by managers and staff…blah, blah, blah…I’m not going to complain or feel sorry for myself. I moved on to somewhere I thought was better suited. Now with the benefit of hindsight I believe I had a nervous breakdown, but I soldiered on, ‘cos that’s what we do…what we have to do.

I found myself a new job and I loved it. I got promoted very quickly, took on more responsibility, more hours…can you hear those alarm bells ringing yet? You guessed it – house of cards and all that c**p! The company got into trouble financially and went into voluntary liquidation. Me? I was made redundant, short changed on my wages etc, etc. All this followed one month after my hubby’s contract finished and was not renewed – the Euro was partly to blame for that!

Both hubby and I spent long hours and many days / weeks / months trying to get re-employed. But, apparently we were both “too experienced”. Ha, ha! It’s really the new term for too old. We know, we heard it too many times for it to be a compliment!

During our time out of work (a year all told…phew) we both took stock of our lives, our baggage and what we were going to do to put things right. We also looked at where we really wanted to be. This is a lot easier to say than do; to manage without considering the trappings of ‘modern’ life. It’s difficult to re-evaluate your life and decide what you want from it when there are things we tell ourselves and the media tell us we cannot manage without, or are measures of success.

For instance, I heard a report on the television today about the money spent as a nation on the trappings required (I use the term loosely) to watch / follow the England football team and the World Cup…ridiculous! Why are people spending vast amounts of money unnecessarily? Because they can, apparently! But can they really?

Now you may think this has simply been an exercise in catharsis for me. Well I guess you may be right in a way, but I think I have passed that need. I’ve been through the pain and the difficult time. I’ve overcome them or I’ve leant to live with them. So I am now trying to help you to overcome your obstacles: learn from them, even ‘enjoy’ them. They can help you to re-assess, change direction or simply rejoice. Ultimately they can make you stronger.

I have been really fortunate since starting my own business, to have come into contact and even met some really genuine, helpful people. I say ‘even met’ because working virtually and networking virtually means you don’t always get to meet the people face to face.

I seem to attract business coaches, that may seem strange, but if you think about the people you have met or meet regularly and their occupations, how many of them are the same or similar? Do you attract a particular type of person?

When I started my business I found every type of internet listing possible especially if they were free – anything to get my profile and business out there. I joined an on-line networking group. I was very active on the forum, took part in as many discussions as possible (all you hear when you are starting out is “get yourself known as an expert in your own field”) – So that is what I was trying to achieve.

One of my discussion posts was responded to by a guy who at that time I didn’t know, he was very helpful in his response, very articulate; but he expressed an interest in my website?! He liked one of my links, shared an admiration for the person in the link and suggested I ring him. So I did.

Cutting a long story short, I had some long and gradually more involved conversations with this man (who introduced himself, and told me his was a business coach!) Well my instant reaction was -you needn’t bother, sorry I don’t have the money, can’t afford a coach, but thanks for the advice and your interest….

David (this man) became more and more embroiled in my business and my thoughts of how to approach business, where I wanted to be etc…And was eventually good enough (or daft enough, who knows…lol) to offer to become my ‘mentor’. He took it upon himself to help me make my business a success, to keep on track when times got tough (and my god they did) – he became my confidant and my own personal bully (if you like) not letting me get to down, or lose my direction.

I do owe him a huge debt of gratitude for his time and support and plain bloody doggedness, Thank you David x

David Lawson – TBC Business Solutions

Then…moving on to actual going out and networking – each time I attended a breakfast meeting, I was approached by business coaches (I must appear to need help or something lol…) I always told them straight away, that I had a business coach and mentor, but nevertheless some of them continued also to take it upon themselves to ensure I maintained my direction, offering tips and pointers as to how to present my business or myself. Different ideas as to how I could approach problems of marketing, packages, services…

Again one of those business coaches has become a stalwart friend and supporter (and client actually) – I have the best of both worlds! Thank you Jon x

Jon Baker – Venture-Now

All of this leads me to my message to anyone looking at starting a business, already in business (whether you consider it successful or not) – Do not dismiss the idea of taking advice from external sources; listen to suggestions, feedback, ideas- they are all relevant if it is what people have seen in you or in your service or your business.

Think about what you have heard/ been told, digest it, maybe put it away in a mental cupboard – take it out every so often and look again as if from an outside viewpoint, then decide if you should take any action! Do not lightly dismiss any offers of help or advice – be open to it all, you never know some of it could change your life and/ or your business.

Do you give referrals and/ or testimonials? Do you have referrals and/ or testimonials?

I have some; I worked hard and as far as I’m concerned I earned the kind words that people have written, that I worked for/ with. They gave them because they felt they were deserved, isn’t that what getting or giving a referral or testimonial is all about?

Yes certainly, if you have completed a contract or piece of work for a client/ customer and the work was well received, ask if they would consider giving you a testimonial.

Referrals are a little different in that the people you worked for/ with will often give a referral to a colleague or friend, family member etc because they were so impressed with your product or service, speed of delivery etc. That they want to recommend you, it also makes them feel good, they have done a service for their friend/ family member etc by passing on such excellence, as well as being a beneficiary themselves.

But again that referral comes from a heartfelt belief that the person you are referring did you a really good turn, their level of customer service was second to none…You get the picture?!

So why would you ask for that recommendation, and then be cross because it was not volunteered, wasn’t forthcoming? It only has meaning surely when it is volunteered or perhaps willingly given might be a better way of expressing that.

Personally, if I asked for a referral/ testimonial and the party I asked was not eager to pass on that recommendation, I would be asking for genuine feed-back (which incidentally, should have been asked for at the end of the term of service).

I know that if my client/ customer was not eager to pass on a recommendation that I had some real work to do to correct whatever it was that they were not happy about, wouldn’t you?

The old adage about treating others as you would yourself like to be treated or expect to be treated stands good here – remember your client/ customer is your bread and butter – do to them as you would have done to yourself – there’s another one!

I could keep on coming up with relevant sayings; but it is important for small business to receive referrals and testimonials, if you are not getting them ask why!

Did you know there is a global celebration day to mark the economic, political and social achievements of Women? Well there is – Welcome to International Women’s Day!

When this day was brought to my attention, I immediately Googled it (as you do!) There are quite a large number of events logged to help mark these achievements, some of which are astounding. You don’t have to be a genius to recognise/ acknowledge the things that some women have achieved over the last few years, and the enormous strides achieved since International Women’s Day began to be observed in the early 1900s!

International Women’s Day was originally started when women wanted equality, the right to vote, equal wages etc. On a smaller scale, for me; International Women’s Day is to mark the achievements of women in life, work and business.

Anyway I digress: I was notified by Business Link of this upcoming event- “Fantastic!” I thought- here is a good way of increasing my business profile as well as giving me an opportunity to meet some new faces (which I thoroughly enjoy doing that’s why I enjoy 4Networking which, incidentally, not only gives a ‘virtual’ worker an excuse to go out and talk to other business people, gain their support etc., but is also in my opinion the best way for people to get to know me, the person behind the business.) But ultimately this will also help to raise awareness to the achievements of women, locally, regionally, nationally and hopefully internationally.

Sorry, I’ve wandered again!

Business link are running an event to mark International Women’s Day in Milton Keynes, and I have been asked if I would like to speak…? Wow… I mean phew, oh I don’t know what I mean; but what an offer!

Then I caught myself on…I was being asked to speak for 20 minutes?! What am I going to say for 20 minutes? That is a long time to stand and talk to a lot of strangers (which I guess could be a room full of ’strangers’!) But not in small intimate groups, or 1-2-1s, no in front of…..

The opportunity is great and I am really pleased to get the chance, but…phew! Right, now I have flapped enough, I  have to get my act together and work out what I am going to say, so I will just say – if you should be in Milton Keynes on 8th March, come and see me, have a chat, and tell me how I did, please?

I was involved in a discussion with a client regarding the use of social media; you know the ones – FaceBook, Twitter etc? The client wanted me to consider controlling his posts, Tweets and so on… I told him “that’s fine, it’s perfectly easy to manage, but was he absolutely sure?”

It’s not really very cost effective for him to just use VA services for social media, its better tied up in a package of services.

Now I didn’t tell the client this to sell more services, I know that was not within his budget at the time, nor was it what he needed. I do not want my clients to spend their money on a service that is not cost effective for them; it certainly wouldn’t do me any favours in the long run!

I went on to ask him why he didn’t just want to use one of the many facilities for automated response and timed  release of comments etc. such as ‘Social oomph’.? His reply is food for thought (you’ll excuse the upcoming pun here, I hope)

“It’s a bit like ordering dinner for a weeks time; do you really know what you will want to eat in a weeks time?”

Plus of course, you still need to monitor the daily comments being placed and the daily news to ensure you are keeping on top of current topics of conversation and breaking news.

Our discussion ended after the decision was taken that my client would feel totally detached from daily events if they simply resorted to automated response.

So do you think convenience is currently taking place over personal involvement, is there a way to manage your social media but still keep you in the loop without tying up your valuable time?

We are all using social media to promote our profiles, ergo, build our businesses and business relationships; are we in danger of following the telephone call ending up as option 1 for service, option 2 for accounts, etc?

Have you thought of getting somebody else to manage your social media? Twitter, Linked-in, Facebook etc are all relevant tools for increasing your visibility as a person as well as giving an insight into the type of person you are, to potential clients and business colleagues.

Let’s not forget that those of us that use social media are still people, we are not expected to show ourselves as totally intellectual or saint like creatures that never step out of line- that would be ridiculous and something from a fairytale.

I have heard that some employers check out the social media when they are considering taking on new members of staff, to see what type of person they are thinking of employing! If they make negative decisions based on social media without remembering that it is ‘social’?! They are making a grave mistake. As are those businesses and business owners that discount social media as an irrelevant form of marketing/ networking.

Yes ok, when you first take a look at Twitter, it can appear to be a load of nonsensical ramblings with no meaning…But take some time to watch the participants and you will see a pattern emerging, conversations (though appearing broken and stilted) are taking place. People are getting to know other people and that is how trust is formed, and business is allowed to transpire, and does!

So after my little digression there, if you dislike social media or aren’t really comfortable with it, or simply don’t have the time – ask someone else to manage your social media activities for you. They don’t have to talk rubbish in yours or your businesses name, they could post relevant points of interest about your business or your hobbies, or a subject that is dear to your heart! They can be on the look out for you, when a discussion shows an opening for your business  to drop a titbit of information, or make the occasional comment about what you do.

This is all very real, very relevant marketing and networking. People buy from people!