Everyone has moments in their lives that stop them in their tracks, or make them rethink what makes them tick. Some are precious, some are painful, but we should learn from them. And sometimes we should simply rejoice at being!

I’ve had my fair share over the last decade or so; some of them very painful. For example, the passing away of my father-in-law was extremely difficult. As an only child my hubby found this event terribly traumatic and, as you might expect, my children did too.  All three of them doted on my father-in-law.

My mother-in-law was hit worst though. She was so upset she just couldn’t cope with it all, so I let my hubby console her and I got on with all the ’stuff’ that needed taking care of. I picked up the pieces and controlled all of the administration. It was just something I felt I had to do.

Just when we thought things were getting back on an even keel, my daughter was diagnosed with M.E. In truth, it wasn’t just the diagnosis. We had known something was wrong for some time, but we had to fight to get doctors to acknowledge there was a problem. And once she had the diagnosis, we had an awful time trying to get her and it accepted. The government didn’t help much either. You wouldn’t believe that a child born in this country would be abandoned by the State, but effectively she was…don’t even get me started on that subject; it is huge and ongoing!

It was a painful experience and we are still all on a steep learning curve.

My mother-in-law has had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma since about 1996. As if that weren’t bad enough, she then developed Alzheimer’s disease.  She couldn’t look after herself properly and we now had to travel 40 miles each way to care for her at weekends – an 80 mile round trip to receive the abuse she dished out because, sadly, she got quite aggressive. It reached the point where we had to obtain enduring power of attorney. I took on the responsibility for sorting everything out. I read all I could on the subject, filled in the appropriate paperwork and lodged it with the Court of Protection. My mother-in-law is now in 24 hour nursing care home and is pretty well fit as a flea – even her Leukemia has abated, so to speak.

During this time, I took a promotion at work and then found out my mother had bowel cancer; so there were more painful times, and more lessons to learn. This isn’t even about coping, because we just “do”. We get back up, dust ourselves off and start all over again…because we are not programmed to simply give up. Oh yes, we may well have times where we think, “Why?” “Why me, why us?” “What have we done? “We can’t cope with anymore.” I could go on and on, but this is about positivity, learning and simply getting on and enjoying what we do have, and if you look at the simple things you will find all manner of things to be grateful for.

My mother died in January of 2006 and I left the job I had earned my promotion in. It wasn’t working and it certainly wasn’t doing my health any good. I was being bullied by managers and staff…blah, blah, blah…I’m not going to complain or feel sorry for myself. I moved on to somewhere I thought was better suited. Now with the benefit of hindsight I believe I had a nervous breakdown, but I soldiered on, ‘cos that’s what we do…what we have to do.

I found myself a new job and I loved it. I got promoted very quickly, took on more responsibility, more hours…can you hear those alarm bells ringing yet? You guessed it – house of cards and all that c**p! The company got into trouble financially and went into voluntary liquidation. Me? I was made redundant, short changed on my wages etc, etc. All this followed one month after my hubby’s contract finished and was not renewed – the Euro was partly to blame for that!

Both hubby and I spent long hours and many days / weeks / months trying to get re-employed. But, apparently we were both “too experienced”. Ha, ha! It’s really the new term for too old. We know, we heard it too many times for it to be a compliment!

During our time out of work (a year all told…phew) we both took stock of our lives, our baggage and what we were going to do to put things right. We also looked at where we really wanted to be. This is a lot easier to say than do; to manage without considering the trappings of ‘modern’ life. It’s difficult to re-evaluate your life and decide what you want from it when there are things we tell ourselves and the media tell us we cannot manage without, or are measures of success.

For instance, I heard a report on the television today about the money spent as a nation on the trappings required (I use the term loosely) to watch / follow the England football team and the World Cup…ridiculous! Why are people spending vast amounts of money unnecessarily? Because they can, apparently! But can they really?

Now you may think this has simply been an exercise in catharsis for me. Well I guess you may be right in a way, but I think I have passed that need. I’ve been through the pain and the difficult time. I’ve overcome them or I’ve leant to live with them. So I am now trying to help you to overcome your obstacles: learn from them, even ‘enjoy’ them. They can help you to re-assess, change direction or simply rejoice. Ultimately they can make you stronger.

I have been really fortunate since starting my own business, to have come into contact and even met some really genuine, helpful people. I say ‘even met’ because working virtually and networking virtually means you don’t always get to meet the people face to face.

I seem to attract business coaches, that may seem strange, but if you think about the people you have met or meet regularly and their occupations, how many of them are the same or similar? Do you attract a particular type of person?

When I started my business I found every type of internet listing possible especially if they were free – anything to get my profile and business out there. I joined an on-line networking group. I was very active on the forum, took part in as many discussions as possible (all you hear when you are starting out is “get yourself known as an expert in your own field”) – So that is what I was trying to achieve.

One of my discussion posts was responded to by a guy who at that time I didn’t know, he was very helpful in his response, very articulate; but he expressed an interest in my website?! He liked one of my links, shared an admiration for the person in the link and suggested I ring him. So I did.

Cutting a long story short, I had some long and gradually more involved conversations with this man (who introduced himself, and told me his was a business coach!) Well my instant reaction was -you needn’t bother, sorry I don’t have the money, can’t afford a coach, but thanks for the advice and your interest….

David (this man) became more and more embroiled in my business and my thoughts of how to approach business, where I wanted to be etc…And was eventually good enough (or daft enough, who knows…lol) to offer to become my ‘mentor’. He took it upon himself to help me make my business a success, to keep on track when times got tough (and my god they did) – he became my confidant and my own personal bully (if you like) not letting me get to down, or lose my direction.

I do owe him a huge debt of gratitude for his time and support and plain bloody doggedness, Thank you David x

David Lawson – TBC Business Solutions

Then…moving on to actual going out and networking – each time I attended a breakfast meeting, I was approached by business coaches (I must appear to need help or something lol…) I always told them straight away, that I had a business coach and mentor, but nevertheless some of them continued also to take it upon themselves to ensure I maintained my direction, offering tips and pointers as to how to present my business or myself. Different ideas as to how I could approach problems of marketing, packages, services…

Again one of those business coaches has become a stalwart friend and supporter (and client actually) – I have the best of both worlds! Thank you Jon x

Jon Baker – Venture-Now

All of this leads me to my message to anyone looking at starting a business, already in business (whether you consider it successful or not) – Do not dismiss the idea of taking advice from external sources; listen to suggestions, feedback, ideas- they are all relevant if it is what people have seen in you or in your service or your business.

Think about what you have heard/ been told, digest it, maybe put it away in a mental cupboard – take it out every so often and look again as if from an outside viewpoint, then decide if you should take any action! Do not lightly dismiss any offers of help or advice – be open to it all, you never know some of it could change your life and/ or your business.

Do you give referrals and/ or testimonials? Do you have referrals and/ or testimonials?

I have some; I worked hard and as far as I’m concerned I earned the kind words that people have written, that I worked for/ with. They gave them because they felt they were deserved, isn’t that what getting or giving a referral or testimonial is all about?

Yes certainly, if you have completed a contract or piece of work for a client/ customer and the work was well received, ask if they would consider giving you a testimonial.

Referrals are a little different in that the people you worked for/ with will often give a referral to a colleague or friend, family member etc because they were so impressed with your product or service, speed of delivery etc. That they want to recommend you, it also makes them feel good, they have done a service for their friend/ family member etc by passing on such excellence, as well as being a beneficiary themselves.

But again that referral comes from a heartfelt belief that the person you are referring did you a really good turn, their level of customer service was second to none…You get the picture?!

So why would you ask for that recommendation, and then be cross because it was not volunteered, wasn’t forthcoming? It only has meaning surely when it is volunteered or perhaps willingly given might be a better way of expressing that.

Personally, if I asked for a referral/ testimonial and the party I asked was not eager to pass on that recommendation, I would be asking for genuine feed-back (which incidentally, should have been asked for at the end of the term of service).

I know that if my client/ customer was not eager to pass on a recommendation that I had some real work to do to correct whatever it was that they were not happy about, wouldn’t you?

The old adage about treating others as you would yourself like to be treated or expect to be treated stands good here – remember your client/ customer is your bread and butter – do to them as you would have done to yourself – there’s another one!

I could keep on coming up with relevant sayings; but it is important for small business to receive referrals and testimonials, if you are not getting them ask why!

Did you know there is a global celebration day to mark the economic, political and social achievements of Women? Well there is – Welcome to International Women’s Day!

When this day was brought to my attention, I immediately Googled it (as you do!) There are quite a large number of events logged to help mark these achievements, some of which are astounding. You don’t have to be a genius to recognise/ acknowledge the things that some women have achieved over the last few years, and the enormous strides achieved since International Women’s Day began to be observed in the early 1900s!

International Women’s Day was originally started when women wanted equality, the right to vote, equal wages etc. On a smaller scale, for me; International Women’s Day is to mark the achievements of women in life, work and business.

Anyway I digress: I was notified by Business Link of this upcoming event- “Fantastic!” I thought- here is a good way of increasing my business profile as well as giving me an opportunity to meet some new faces (which I thoroughly enjoy doing that’s why I enjoy 4Networking which, incidentally, not only gives a ‘virtual’ worker an excuse to go out and talk to other business people, gain their support etc., but is also in my opinion the best way for people to get to know me, the person behind the business.) But ultimately this will also help to raise awareness to the achievements of women, locally, regionally, nationally and hopefully internationally.

Sorry, I’ve wandered again!

Business link are running an event to mark International Women’s Day in Milton Keynes, and I have been asked if I would like to speak…? Wow… I mean phew, oh I don’t know what I mean; but what an offer!

Then I caught myself on…I was being asked to speak for 20 minutes?! What am I going to say for 20 minutes? That is a long time to stand and talk to a lot of strangers (which I guess could be a room full of ’strangers’!) But not in small intimate groups, or 1-2-1s, no in front of…..

The opportunity is great and I am really pleased to get the chance, but…phew! Right, now I have flapped enough, I  have to get my act together and work out what I am going to say, so I will just say – if you should be in Milton Keynes on 8th March, come and see me, have a chat, and tell me how I did, please?

I was involved in a discussion with a client regarding the use of social media; you know the ones – FaceBook, Twitter etc? The client wanted me to consider controlling his posts, Tweets and so on… I told him “that’s fine, it’s perfectly easy to manage, but was he absolutely sure?”

It’s not really very cost effective for him to just use VA services for social media, its better tied up in a package of services.

Now I didn’t tell the client this to sell more services, I know that was not within his budget at the time, nor was it what he needed. I do not want my clients to spend their money on a service that is not cost effective for them; it certainly wouldn’t do me any favours in the long run!

I went on to ask him why he didn’t just want to use one of the many facilities for automated response and timed  release of comments etc. such as ‘Social oomph’.? His reply is food for thought (you’ll excuse the upcoming pun here, I hope)

“It’s a bit like ordering dinner for a weeks time; do you really know what you will want to eat in a weeks time?”

Plus of course, you still need to monitor the daily comments being placed and the daily news to ensure you are keeping on top of current topics of conversation and breaking news.

Our discussion ended after the decision was taken that my client would feel totally detached from daily events if they simply resorted to automated response.

So do you think convenience is currently taking place over personal involvement, is there a way to manage your social media but still keep you in the loop without tying up your valuable time?

We are all using social media to promote our profiles, ergo, build our businesses and business relationships; are we in danger of following the telephone call ending up as option 1 for service, option 2 for accounts, etc?

Have you thought of getting somebody else to manage your social media? Twitter, Linked-in, Facebook etc are all relevant tools for increasing your visibility as a person as well as giving an insight into the type of person you are, to potential clients and business colleagues.

Let’s not forget that those of us that use social media are still people, we are not expected to show ourselves as totally intellectual or saint like creatures that never step out of line- that would be ridiculous and something from a fairytale.

I have heard that some employers check out the social media when they are considering taking on new members of staff, to see what type of person they are thinking of employing! If they make negative decisions based on social media without remembering that it is ‘social’?! They are making a grave mistake. As are those businesses and business owners that discount social media as an irrelevant form of marketing/ networking.

Yes ok, when you first take a look at Twitter, it can appear to be a load of nonsensical ramblings with no meaning…But take some time to watch the participants and you will see a pattern emerging, conversations (though appearing broken and stilted) are taking place. People are getting to know other people and that is how trust is formed, and business is allowed to transpire, and does!

So after my little digression there, if you dislike social media or aren’t really comfortable with it, or simply don’t have the time – ask someone else to manage your social media activities for you. They don’t have to talk rubbish in yours or your businesses name, they could post relevant points of interest about your business or your hobbies, or a subject that is dear to your heart! They can be on the look out for you, when a discussion shows an opening for your business  to drop a titbit of information, or make the occasional comment about what you do.

This is all very real, very relevant marketing and networking. People buy from people!

If you asked someone to proof-read an article, publication or letter or press-release, what would you expect from the returned work?

Would you really want them to read and approve what you have produced, say it was ok, good or brilliant to massage your ego?

Or would you expect an honest opinion on the choice of content, layout, photos used; spelling, grammar, spacing, continuity etc?

I do sometimes wonder if it is the former? Getting a piece of work back from a proof-reader that you have spent ages producing, and finding it with loads of comments about the above mentioned errors or minor adjustments needed or that would enhance the layout or improve the flow of text etc must be pretty disappointing.

A few things to remember should you wish to avoid the additional comments; ensure your spacing of paragraphs is the same – when you look at the work from a distance or overall, it should look as though the paper is evenly covered, more so if it is a letter or a similar format.

Use a space after any punctuation used, i.e. comma, space – new word/ full stop, space – new word/ this is the one that gets missed though; forward slash, space – new word!

Another thing is the correct use of similar words. Words that sound the same but have different meanings. The sort of word that is abbreviated i.e. ‘they’re’, ‘there’ or ‘their’. The trick to remember here is the apostrophe is a replacement for the missing letter, so in they’re it would normally say they are.

‘There’ is used to say we went over there, or ‘their’ is used to say it is their car!

This may all seem a little simplistic, but for those of you that are not great with words I hope it will help. And of course you can use the spell and grammar checker on your computer.

It is always worth getting someone to proof-read your publication, article etc and if all else fails get someone else to write it for you!

I meet a lot of fellow business people, I enjoy attending networking meetings. My favourite is my own group 4Networking (or 4N), we meet in Milton Keynes every two weeks on a Friday morning. Not silly hour in the morning, 8 o’clock – that’s a reasonable time, we finish at 10 o’clock (except those that like to stay for additional networking or coffee).

I have found that other business people particularly the micro business or sole trader, have well earned pride in what they have achieved, they are not really very trusting that someone else could come into their business to work (even a contractor, such as myself) and give them the level of commitment and trust that they think their business is worth?  I understand this, and to reassure them of my skills and level of commitment and trustworthiness, they need to get to know me….

Networking allows them to meet me, get to know me, and from there hopefully they will like me, and trust me!!

That is also the premise behind 4N as it happens…Meet – Like- Know – Trust..

I truly believe this is the recipe for success. Success in my networking and blossoming friendships or business associations and therefore success in my business.

People pay for my business skills for those very reasons.

When you have written an article or ebook, or a press release, anything at all do you read it through before posting or printing? How many times have you read it through only to find after posting etc that you have missed 1, 2 or 3 mistakes?

The sort of mistake that is easy to make, typing faster than your brain or fingers can keep up. My constant one is ‘the’ without fail, I type teh… It drives me mad!

It easy to misread things when we go back to proof read the item, our brains are conditioned to read what we expect to see, what we think we have written?!

If you are writing up anything of importance, after you have checked it, get someone else to proof it for you, you will be amazed at how many errors you have missed. (Unless of course you have the time to fastidiously check the spelling of each and every word rather than simply read the item.)

I was told in a meeting with a potential client, that they were looking for a ‘bossy, mother type’ person, that would take control of their admin nightmares; emails, follow up calls, mail-outs etc whenever they needed it doing – they saw me and thought I fitted the bill!

Is that a compliment?

Quite frankly I don’t care – that is exactly what I am….