If I put this into an easy to understand scenario for you (I’m not being patronising here ok?)

You have developed a leak, water is pouring through your ceiling and you need to stop it ruining your carpet…Or any other time you might need to move a quantity of water; but you have no bucket, bowl, basin etc (bear with me). So you grab the only thing you have to hand a colander (no not a calendar )You fill your colander with water and take it to the sink (for instance) to empty, and surprise it’s already empty apart from a few dribbles of water…I know and you know that this is because a colander is designed to let water drain through! So it’s done its job.

If you are sending out messages on Twitter and are not using something to allow the messages to be caught they will also drain through the holes of your colander! So if you need to direct your message at a particular person or group of people you have to use the hook designed to allow their messages to be caught ‘@’ – this simple symbol comes with its own little hook ‘@’ this makes it very easy to remember.

Include a hook ‘@’ then the user name and the message will get caught in their personal feed, so they can see you have mentioned them or directed a comment at them.

Another symbol not always readily understood to new users of Twitter is hash # and in particular #FF.

The hash # symbol is to allow particular subjects/ trends to be followed easily by other people, so #thenwcalendar is showing a trend about the recent charity calendar that I took part in, and if you complete a search starting #thenwcalendar it will bring up all of the conversations going on, on Twitter about that subject.

#FF is Follow Friday – this has been started to offer a thank you to the people mentioned in the #FF list that has been generated by that user. It is thank you, this person is interesting, this person is worth following, help this person out, they’ve helped me out (you get the idea) but for the thank you to be properly registered, the earlier rule applies – you must attach a hook ‘@’ or the person mentioned will never know.

You may as well open a giant door into ‘cyberspace’ and shout from the doorway in to the darkness if you do not use a hook – unless the person you want to hear the message is on-line at that precise time, the message will float away into ‘cyberspace’.

I had the amazing good fortune of being asked to be a stand-in for a charity calendar, in case anyone had to drop out or got cold-feet! Though I have to say, ‘feet being cold’ was hardly going to be the issue here – the calendar was to be of ‘naked’ women that take part in business networking….Yes ok I said naked!
After agreeing to be a stand-in the day before the shoot was to take place was great, never thought at that stage that anyone else would dropout so I was excited and agreed to go along for the day to join in the fun…
I drove to the venue for the photo shoot; Heythrop Park in Oxfordshire is beautiful, first time I have ever been there (mind you if the sat-nav had its way…Well you probably know what I mean) So I arrived with a suitcase (a small one, you understand) but I had to take shoes (half a dozen pairs) hats, scarves, pashmina’s, jewellery, make-up…You girls will understand, ignore the silly comments from the men
I wasn’t the only one, when I found the rest of the girls in a bedroom that had been set aside for us for changing; I found both beds and a lot of the floor covered in an assortment of paraphernalia, from guitars (yes at least two) hats, cuddly toys, colourful wraps, shoes; it was an Aladdin’s cave of girly bits and bobs…And then there were the girls, most had already arrived and been glammed up/ hair done and were in dressing gowns, eating chocolates and having an absolute ball…The atmosphere in the room was palpable everyone was so excited, nervous, hyped, giggly…You didn’t need alcohol in this room, pure energy crackled and enveloped me as I entered.
All of us were treated to wonderful make-up and hairstyles by Jean (our absolute star) she worked tirelessly throughout the day with the help of her assistant (her secretary actually) and we were transformed in no time – stunned, wowed we could not believe the magic that Jean had brought about in such a short time, such a transformation and such a variety of hair do’s and the appropriate make-up to match – wow!
As each girl was transformed she was taken off for her individual photo shoot with Belinda McCarthy a fellow 4N’er and such a lovely girl – she had such patience (we were all a bit over excited). Belinda used her own artistic flair to place us in the position she had envisaged and took great pains to ensure all the girls taking part felt totally relaxed and comfortable.
Heythrop Park provided us with a lovely buffet lunch, bubbly (yes we had bubbly, not that we needed it but it made the day even more special).
After a day of socialising, chatting, giggling and being pampered we had the last shot of the day – the group shot!
We were taken to a large room that looked like a very large library/ study/ conference room and we all removed our gowns ready to get into position. This was a different experience again, posing individually with just Belinda in the room…now we had to all pose together, but after a wonderful day the initial cautiousness evaporated and we all went into the pose with more than a little excitement.
There was a lot of concern about different bits not being on display (what are we like)…pose, then Belinda was asked to say a ‘rude’ word to make us laugh. Well, the ‘rude’ word was a lot ruder than we expected and more than you would expect from this lovely little girl photographer….hahaha!
Oh dear we roared, it was hilarious, though this in itself caused a few disturbances to our poses requiring a few alterations (you understand). A couple of group shots later we were done…Or so we thought. The location had been very concerned about members of the public perhaps being exposed (excuse the pun) to our ‘bodies’ our ‘nudity’?! But just as we were about to go and dress we were told we could take one shot outside on the steps of Heythrop Hall – excellent we had hankered for this all day; we all whispered about doing a ‘flash’ as the photo was taken (this was strictly forbidden). Once we found out that our escort for the day Jo would get into serious trouble if we did break this condition, we conceded ?
We finished our photo shoot with our shot on the steps of Heythrop Hall by only exposing our shoulders, and a bit of cleavage and legs…Still lovely shots…And what a fantastic day!!
We are now having a cocktail party at Heythrop Park to launch our charity calendar – it would be lovely to sell all available tickets (the price includes a copy of the calendar) and to see as many of you as possible at the launch – so please help raise vital funds for this charity and take the opportunity to socialise, network and meet the lovely girls that took part.

You can order tickets here. Thank you

It was quite a surprise when I was asked to do the same subject for a talk to one of the groups out of my area (talking to your own group is one thing!) So I went to this business breakfast meeting in Corby, Northamptonshire, to combine business networking with presenting this talk on one of my ongoing pastimes…

I have a variety of hobbies/ pastimes (in fact I often tell people my hobby is hobbies). I like to be creative, I like water-colour painting, crochet, cross-stitch, gardening…all manner of pastimes. I also have an ongoing interest in Genealogy and my family tree, not least because my own maternal Grandmother was 100 in June this year. When you acknowledge the amazing fact that people have lived for so long and seen so much; but in all honesty you know that must come to an end, it begs the question “who knows about the things that my relative knows”?

We are so wrapped up in technology these days – it provides us with entertainment that is just there at the touch of a button (so to speak). As families we are so spread around the country or the world, we have little time in these days of rush, rush, rush to sit and listen to the family history, stories that once would have been the centre of family life. And let’s face it even if we did have the time, how many of us would take that time and use it to sit and talk or listen to someone else tell us about our heritage, our family history. Certainly our children don’t even really have an interest in the ‘old’ films we grew up with; they leave the room or change channels or play on the Wii or something similar!

Now I’m not suggesting we sit and dwell on things gone by, things we can’t change or things that we might regret…No, I don’t believe in regrets; what’s happened is gone, we can only learn and move on. Using what we have learnt from our actions/ reactions, being thankful for the opportunity to learn from them, (lol…sorry life lesson over).

My talk is about family trees, about taking an interest in our family history! Why? Because it shows us our progression as a human being, as a person, it gives us something to marvel at and celebrate our fortune, our movement forward…

I am working (sort of part-time) on my family tree, and I talked about the things I discovered to my breakfast group;

The occupations and how they have changed and the perception of that occupation today?! The longevity of life or lack of it, the constant procreation to ensure the family name, how the Father’s Christian name would traditionally be given to the first born son, how the actual names have changed?! These things interest me hugely, and I wanted to convey that to my listeners.

I believe I succeeded, there were a lot of follow-up questions; one of which was a question about a surname and how it came to be in existence, (it was believed that it had been made up because there appeared to be no trace of anyone else with that surname) I decided to investigate this believed anomaly…I only did the scantest of checks (as far as family history research goes), but found there to be quite a number of people historically with the name in question, (not hundreds you understand, we weren’t talking about Smith or anything commonly known); so without trying too hard I had already disproved a family belief to a degree; this is not always the way you want a story to go, but in this instance I feel it gave a measure of reassurance to the person concerned to understand they had real roots.

I get satisfaction from succeeding at a task or interest that has caught my attention, this instance had flamed my desire to find something of substance, to discover a link using my acquired knowledge, and that kind of determination and persistence is what I use to complete any task, hobby or pastime I undertake – I don’t like to fail or at least feel I have not given my best try.

Shouldn’t we be able to say that about our business, our relationships, and our whole life?!

I regularly attend breakfast meetings, I have mentioned in earlier blogs that I use these to increase my personal and business profile, allowing potential clients and word of mouth referrers to get to know me, about me and consider me a good and valuable extension of their own business or for someone they know in business. I’m not on one of my little ‘Ronnie Corbett’ moments here, I am explaining how I came to be told about this particular book and its meaning to me and you!

I went to my breakfast meeting on Tuesday with the intention of meeting one of my clients after the meeting to get some work done. This particular client works as a garden designer/ landscaper and builder of wooden structures specifically for use in the garden, so obviously he is outside whenever the weather permits…anyway enough explanation of the reason for being at this particular meeting! While I was setting up the laptop I cleared some space on the booking in table and moved a book that had been place there – the group leader for this meeting told me it was hers, it had just been returned to her by another member who she had recommended it to, she went on to tell me that I should read it too, this was supported quite vehemently by my client. Now I love books, I love reading and don’t really need any encouragement to take up a book; the title of this book really intrigued me and it was one of those really nice looking books, it kind of beckoned to me (I know that probably sounds daft, but really I felt drawn to this book,) I had no choice but to take them both up on their suggestion of borrowing the book to read for myself….

Going back to an earlier blog I told you about using a business coach – my original business coach and mentor used to get me to do “I am’s”, these are empowering sentences about you – things you want to be true in your life and or your business; I did them, it felt weird at first but the resulting feeling I got was fantastic. One of my clients is a friend and business coach, and is also so passionate about what he does that he likes to ensure that I am always positive and charged up for my business, he telephones on random occasions to check how I am feeling how I am responding to calls, do I sound happy, relaxed that sort of thing (and I am not allowed to say “not bad” or “fine”.) This might sound a bit stalker-ish but really it’s not it’s what he is good at, making sure I have the right mental attitude for my business and me!

Anyway, I have also made a concerted effort over the last few years to stop negatively criticising people around me; we all do it, someone reacts in a certain way or says something and we jump on them as if we are the World’s experts in how to live life, how to present ourselves behave, speak etc . By making ourselves the one to criticise the ‘expert’ we need to ensure we are not generating negative thoughts, repeated negative thoughts have the power to manifest themselves.

I remember a talk a member of my networking group gave one morning about the brain not understanding negatives – this was also in the messages I received from both business coaches in my life, but somehow that message did not quite hit the target. At this network meeting it struck home – the message was this; the brain does not register negatives, so if you say there is no such thing as a pink elephant…Yep you got it a pink elephant just popped into your head didn’t it?! If you tell a child not to drop the plates, they will hear “drop the plates”…so are you going to be surprised when they do drop the plates? My local radio station has been broadcasting a message this summer in an attempt to stop children/ people swimming in the lakes/ locks/ rivers in the area – what do you suppose their message says?? Yep you got it again, they’re saying do not swim in the lakes etc, so will everyone be surprised when records show the number swimming in the lakes has gone up?

So my thinking has already registered that negative thoughts and positive thoughts have an effect on the way we think or react or behave…but what a revelation when I started reading this book, I was so surprised at the truth written in this book that I actually exclaimed out loud! This book says it all; we have the power to change not only our lives but the lives of others by using our thoughts?! How amazing is that…whatever is going on in our lives right now, this minute, is a result of our thoughts in the past. If this sounds all a bit star-gazery or anything bear with me, really it works, I’ve seen it from my sessions with my business coaches and friends – if you think positive thoughts; and you are more careful about your reactions and what you say, to reduce negative feelings, you can influence what comes to you!

Believe me, read the book – It’s called “The Secret” written by Rhonda Byrne. It makes total sense; it reveals the Great Secret of the Universe. For me it’s something I always knew deep down, but I have never seen it written with such clarity. Be more thoughtful, less resentful, take time to consider others before answering, reacting, responding – why have they done/ said that or behaved that way. Look to yourself before judging others, think powerful good thoughts and you will transmit your thoughts and they will be reflected back to you with positivity.

So if you want a successful business – think a positive business, think about lots of clients, think about where you want your business to be and envisage it, really see it, believe it and think it…It will come back to you!

I want to add my own thanks and acknowledgements to this blog – for without the following people  I would not have found such a profound book and read “The Secret”.

Julia Doherty of Ethos recruitment – for the loan of her copy of the book.

Steve Horne of 5Design – for his insistence that I read said book.

Jon Baker of Venture-Now for his ongoing support and friendship.

Rhonda Byrne for writing such an amazing book.

Extra thanks to Ronnnie Corbett OBE  for allowing me to name my little digression’s after him!

The saying I have included below sums up I think, how I feel/ how I like to think I am approaching clients/ businesses that need/ ask for my help. I am truly passionate about helping other people to arrange their lives/ businesses so they can continue or go back to what they are passionate about, what they went into business to do.

“If you develop a pure and sincere motivation, if you are motivated by a wish to help on the basis of kindness, compassion, and respect, then you can carry on any kind of work, in any field, and function more effectively.”

His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

As this was my first visit to the conference, I was keen to meet some of the VAs that have supported me emotionally, technologically, and with my education of being a VA,  through my time getting my business off the ground; truly if it were not for them I might be telling a different story in years to come. I had met, chatted to and engaged with (virtually of course) women who have perhaps been in the VA business for longer than me, (that’s not difficult I am a bit of a newbie, only having been in business for myself a little under a year, we communicated on Skype chat, we supported one another, offered excesses of work or expertise in particular fields. The value of the VASG (virtual assistant support group) is second to none, three very dear ladies have been there for me and others like me since I became a member, and it was great to meet then yesterday in person at The National VA Conference and Awards 2010 – so my thanks to Dee Uzoka from  http://va-in-medway.co.uk/ Ann-Marie Mittleman from http://www.avirtualangel.co.uk/ and Emily Robe from http://www.emilyrobe.co.uk/ for everything you do under your umbrella of the VASG, for winning The Spirit of the VA Award 2010, and everything you have done for me; it was so great meeting you and having real hugs (so much better than virtual ones).

Being a PA is tremendously enjoyable, exciting, satisfying and challenging – being a VA is that 10 fold! Technology is constantly changing, updating etc and programmes change to move with the technology; the amazing thing is so are businesses now acknowledging the need to change, and some of the sponsors and speakers at The National VA Conference and Awards 2010 were amazingly supportive and encouraging of the VA industry as well as the individuals that make up that industry.

These businesses and their MDs their CEOs have met some of our amazing VAs and have totally seen the value that a VA can bring to businesses and to their own clients. So much so many of them are offering deals or partnerships to VAs that use their packages/ products/ programmes. They acknowledge that by using a VA along with their product you can reduce your time spent running your business and get on with what you went into business to do! This is so tremendously exciting that the job that we do is so valued, it is something we have known for a long time, but it is only now that it is being really seen.

I look forward to constantly expanding my knowledge to benefit not only my business, but to offer support or expertise to VASG members and most importantly to you as business men and business women, because in the long run the more expertise and knowledge I have the more you will benefit.

I’ve had my fair share over the last decade or so; some of them very painful. For example, the passing away of my father-in-law was extremely difficult. As an only child my hubby found this event terribly traumatic and, as you might expect, my children did too.  All three of them doted on my father-in-law.

My mother-in-law was hit worst though. She was so upset she just couldn’t cope with it all, so I let my hubby console her and I got on with all the ’stuff’ that needed taking care of. I picked up the pieces and controlled all of the administration. It was just something I felt I had to do.

Just when we thought things were getting back on an even keel, my daughter was diagnosed with M.E. In truth, it wasn’t just the diagnosis. We had known something was wrong for some time, but we had to fight to get doctors to acknowledge there was a problem. And once she had the diagnosis, we had an awful time trying to get her and it accepted. The government didn’t help much either. You wouldn’t believe that a child born in this country would be abandoned by the State, but effectively she was…don’t even get me started on that subject; it is huge and ongoing!

It was a painful experience and we are still all on a steep learning curve.

My mother-in-law has had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma since about 1996. As if that weren’t bad enough, she then developed Alzheimer’s disease.  She couldn’t look after herself properly and we now had to travel 40 miles each way to care for her at weekends – an 80 mile round trip to receive the abuse she dished out because, sadly, she got quite aggressive. It reached the point where we had to obtain enduring power of attorney. I took on the responsibility for sorting everything out. I read all I could on the subject, filled in the appropriate paperwork and lodged it with the Court of Protection. My mother-in-law is now in 24 hour nursing care home and is pretty well fit as a flea – even her Leukemia has abated, so to speak.

During this time, I took a promotion at work and then found out my mother had bowel cancer; so there were more painful times, and more lessons to learn. This isn’t even about coping, because we just “do”. We get back up, dust ourselves off and start all over again…because we are not programmed to simply give up. Oh yes, we may well have times where we think, “Why?” “Why me, why us?” “What have we done? “We can’t cope with anymore.” I could go on and on, but this is about positivity, learning and simply getting on and enjoying what we do have, and if you look at the simple things you will find all manner of things to be grateful for.

My mother died in January of 2006 and I left the job I had earned my promotion in. It wasn’t working and it certainly wasn’t doing my health any good. I was being bullied by managers and staff…blah, blah, blah…I’m not going to complain or feel sorry for myself. I moved on to somewhere I thought was better suited. Now with the benefit of hindsight I believe I had a nervous breakdown, but I soldiered on, ‘cos that’s what we do…what we have to do.

I found myself a new job and I loved it. I got promoted very quickly, took on more responsibility, more hours…can you hear those alarm bells ringing yet? You guessed it – house of cards and all that c**p! The company got into trouble financially and went into voluntary liquidation. Me? I was made redundant, short changed on my wages etc, etc. All this followed one month after my hubby’s contract finished and was not renewed – the Euro was partly to blame for that!

Both hubby and I spent long hours and many days / weeks / months trying to get re-employed. But, apparently we were both “too experienced”. Ha, ha! It’s really the new term for too old. We know, we heard it too many times for it to be a compliment!

During our time out of work (a year all told…phew) we both took stock of our lives, our baggage and what we were going to do to put things right. We also looked at where we really wanted to be. This is a lot easier to say than do; to manage without considering the trappings of ‘modern’ life. It’s difficult to re-evaluate your life and decide what you want from it when there are things we tell ourselves and the media tell us we cannot manage without, or are measures of success.

For instance, I heard a report on the television today about the money spent as a nation on the trappings required (I use the term loosely) to watch / follow the England football team and the World Cup…ridiculous! Why are people spending vast amounts of money unnecessarily? Because they can, apparently! But can they really?

Now you may think this has simply been an exercise in catharsis for me. Well I guess you may be right in a way, but I think I have passed that need. I’ve been through the pain and the difficult time. I’ve overcome them or I’ve leant to live with them. So I am now trying to help you to overcome your obstacles: learn from them, even ‘enjoy’ them. They can help you to re-assess, change direction or simply rejoice. Ultimately they can make you stronger.

I seem to attract business coaches, that may seem strange, but if you think about the people you have met or meet regularly and their occupations, how many of them are the same or similar? Do you attract a particular type of person?

When I started my business I found every type of internet listing possible especially if they were free – anything to get my profile and business out there. I joined an on-line networking group. I was very active on the forum, took part in as many discussions as possible (all you hear when you are starting out is “get yourself known as an expert in your own field”) – So that is what I was trying to achieve.

One of my discussion posts was responded to by a guy who at that time I didn’t know, he was very helpful in his response, very articulate; but he expressed an interest in my website?! He liked one of my links, shared an admiration for the person in the link and suggested I ring him. So I did.

Cutting a long story short, I had some long and gradually more involved conversations with this man (who introduced himself, and told me his was a business coach!) Well my instant reaction was -you needn’t bother, sorry I don’t have the money, can’t afford a coach, but thanks for the advice and your interest….

David (this man) became more and more embroiled in my business and my thoughts of how to approach business, where I wanted to be etc…And was eventually good enough (or daft enough, who knows…lol) to offer to become my ‘mentor’. He took it upon himself to help me make my business a success, to keep on track when times got tough (and my god they did) – he became my confidant and my own personal bully (if you like) not letting me get to down, or lose my direction.

I do owe him a huge debt of gratitude for his time and support and plain bloody doggedness, Thank you David x

David Lawson – TBC Business Solutions

Then…moving on to actual going out and networking – each time I attended a breakfast meeting, I was approached by business coaches (I must appear to need help or something lol…) I always told them straight away, that I had a business coach and mentor, but nevertheless some of them continued also to take it upon themselves to ensure I maintained my direction, offering tips and pointers as to how to present my business or myself. Different ideas as to how I could approach problems of marketing, packages, services…

Again one of those business coaches has become a stalwart friend and supporter (and client actually) – I have the best of both worlds! Thank you Jon x

Jon Baker – Venture-Now

All of this leads me to my message to anyone looking at starting a business, already in business (whether you consider it successful or not) – Do not dismiss the idea of taking advice from external sources; listen to suggestions, feedback, ideas- they are all relevant if it is what people have seen in you or in your service or your business.

Think about what you have heard/ been told, digest it, maybe put it away in a mental cupboard – take it out every so often and look again as if from an outside viewpoint, then decide if you should take any action! Do not lightly dismiss any offers of help or advice – be open to it all, you never know some of it could change your life and/ or your business.

I have some; I worked hard and as far as I’m concerned I earned the kind words that people have written, that I worked for/ with. They gave them because they felt they were deserved, isn’t that what getting or giving a referral or testimonial is all about?

Yes certainly, if you have completed a contract or piece of work for a client/ customer and the work was well received, ask if they would consider giving you a testimonial.

Referrals are a little different in that the people you worked for/ with will often give a referral to a colleague or friend, family member etc because they were so impressed with your product or service, speed of delivery etc. That they want to recommend you, it also makes them feel good, they have done a service for their friend/ family member etc by passing on such excellence, as well as being a beneficiary themselves.

But again that referral comes from a heartfelt belief that the person you are referring did you a really good turn, their level of customer service was second to none…You get the picture?!

So why would you ask for that recommendation, and then be cross because it was not volunteered, wasn’t forthcoming? It only has meaning surely when it is volunteered or perhaps willingly given might be a better way of expressing that.

Personally, if I asked for a referral/ testimonial and the party I asked was not eager to pass on that recommendation, I would be asking for genuine feed-back (which incidentally, should have been asked for at the end of the term of service).

I know that if my client/ customer was not eager to pass on a recommendation that I had some real work to do to correct whatever it was that they were not happy about, wouldn’t you?

The old adage about treating others as you would yourself like to be treated or expect to be treated stands good here – remember your client/ customer is your bread and butter – do to them as you would have done to yourself – there’s another one!

I could keep on coming up with relevant sayings; but it is important for small business to receive referrals and testimonials, if you are not getting them ask why!

When this day was brought to my attention, I immediately Googled it (as you do!) There are quite a large number of events logged to help mark these achievements, some of which are astounding. You don’t have to be a genius to recognise/ acknowledge the things that some women have achieved over the last few years, and the enormous strides achieved since International Women’s Day began to be observed in the early 1900s!

International Women’s Day was originally started when women wanted equality, the right to vote, equal wages etc. On a smaller scale, for me; International Women’s Day is to mark the achievements of women in life, work and business.

Anyway I digress: I was notified by Business Link of this upcoming event- “Fantastic!” I thought- here is a good way of increasing my business profile as well as giving me an opportunity to meet some new faces (which I thoroughly enjoy doing that’s why I enjoy 4Networking which, incidentally, not only gives a ‘virtual’ worker an excuse to go out and talk to other business people, gain their support etc., but is also in my opinion the best way for people to get to know me, the person behind the business.) But ultimately this will also help to raise awareness to the achievements of women, locally, regionally, nationally and hopefully internationally.

Sorry, I’ve wandered again!

Business link are running an event to mark International Women’s Day in Milton Keynes, and I have been asked if I would like to speak…? Wow… I mean phew, oh I don’t know what I mean; but what an offer!

Then I caught myself on…I was being asked to speak for 20 minutes?! What am I going to say for 20 minutes? That is a long time to stand and talk to a lot of strangers (which I guess could be a room full of ’strangers’!) But not in small intimate groups, or 1-2-1s, no in front of…..

The opportunity is great and I am really pleased to get the chance, but…phew! Right, now I have flapped enough, I  have to get my act together and work out what I am going to say, so I will just say – if you should be in Milton Keynes on 8th March, come and see me, have a chat, and tell me how I did, please?